As a psychologist, I see a lot of people suffer because they keep trying to change a loved one. They try to force an abusive parent to not manipulate and to apologize, or they try to change a partner or a child. There are parents who try to arrange a child’s whole life, and cannot tolerate any mistakes they may make.
Many years ago in Chicago, I saw a Reiki healer, Deanne Lozano. She is a wonderful Reiki practitioner and I took a few of her classes as well. One day we were talking and she said, “People need to be on the level they need to be on.” We might not mean exactly the same thing, but this has been with me, this piece of wisdom, and has become a part of me. Deanne came from the place that people need to love people as they are, regardless of level. As a psychologist, that is not quite my emphasis. Mine is that we need to ACCEPT that people are where they are, whether we love them or not. Granted, this usually comes up with loved ones, but it seems to me acceptance is more the psychological issue.
Aleta Edwards, Psy.D.
I am a psychotherapist in private practice, with a strong interest in shame and perfectionism. I will periodically post my thoughts about these topics and other observations relating to emotional health.